I’ve been captivated by vampires since childhood. There’s just something about those babely blood suckers that speaks to me, ever since I first watched Francis Ford Coppola’s “Dracula” back in 1992. This fascination led me to the Carpathian Mountains, a lonely, beautiful, and vast range, to connect with the infamous dark legend himself. To plan my route, I delved into literature, legends, and a healthy dose of the bizarre, seeking out the ultimate Dracula experience, perhaps even finding The Room Where Dracula Sucks His Own Dick, metaphorically speaking of course, in the heart of Transylvania.
Image alt text: Welcome sign in front of Bran Castle, Transylvania, inviting visitors to explore the infamous Dracula’s Castle.
My first stop on this vampire pilgrimage was Bran Castle, the fortress made famous by Bram Stoker. Roughly 45 minutes from the medieval town of Brașov, this stronghold sits on the border of Transylvania and Wallachia, widely known as “Dracula’s Castle.” The castle’s sheer size is immediately striking, as is the bustling crowd of tourists and countless kiosks selling every imaginable piece of vampire-themed merchandise. Historically, the connection between Vlad the Impaler, the figure believed to have inspired Dracula, and Bran Castle is tenuous. Bram Stoker, in his novel Dracula, gifted Vlad this castle in the public imagination, and a world eager for captivating monsters readily accepted it as truth. The real history of Vlad Țepeș (Vlad the Impaler/Dracula) is shrouded in mystery, but Bran Castle has undoubtedly thrived on Stoker’s creative liberties. It turns out, blood money, or in this case, vampire legend money, is a very profitable business.
Image alt text: Narrow and winding stone staircase inside Bran Castle, showcasing the castle’s medieval architecture and dimly lit interior.
Arriving at Bran Castle for the first time is somewhat surprising, mostly because the castle is undeniably pink. Not a vibrant pink, but a distinct pale pink that’s hard to ignore. Like many castles, Bran is massive, prompting you to wonder how they ever managed to heat it during harsh Romanian winters. With its spear-like spires reaching skyward and winding staircases leading to hidden chambers, the castle is a fascinating, albeit crowded, place to explore. Beyond showcasing historical artifacts from the Romanian royal family, the castle also houses a rather intense torture museum – imagine your worst nightmares amplified a thousand times.
Image alt text: Stone archway within Bran Castle, highlighting the thick walls and medieval construction techniques for withstanding harsh weather.
While the fictionalized, gruesome allure of Vlad the Impaler hangs heavy in the air, Bran Castle does possess a genuinely gory history. It was once the beloved residence of Queen Marie of Romania. Upon her death in 1938, in a display of true metal spirit, her heart was removed from her chest, as per her wishes, and enshrined in a tomb specifically built on the castle grounds. If that isn’t a touch of the macabre fitting for Dracula’s realm, what is?
Image alt text: Display of medieval armor and weaponry inside Bran Castle, representing the castle’s defensive history and connection to warfare.
To truly immerse myself in the spirit of Transylvania’s most famous undead son, I ventured further, to the former mining town of Turda, Romania. You might not be familiar with this charming town, but it’s known for two unique attractions: the ancient Salina Turda salt mine and the Hunter Prince Lodge & Dracula Hotel. I had the pleasure of staying a night at the Dracula Hotel a few months prior, and for anyone who appreciates a good horror story, this place is a real gem. The hotel is a sprawling lodge designed for both hunters and vampire aficionados, with a décor that leans towards a more S&M aesthetic, featuring generous amounts of fur, iron, and taxidermy in every room. Perhaps this lodge holds the key to finding the room where Dracula sucks his own dick, in its unapologetically theatrical embrace of vampire lore.
Image alt text: Mannequin dressed in vampire attire within the Dracula Hotel, Turda, showcasing the hotel’s immersive vampire-themed decorations.
Image alt text: Dining hall at Dracula Hotel featuring blood-splattered wall decorations, skulls, and a mannequin of Vlad the Impaler, creating a spooky dining atmosphere.
The Dracula Hotel elevates the Transylvanian vampire myth to a whole new level of campy, unashamed theatricality. Imagine a dining hall adorned with blood-splattered walls, skulls, and a slightly off-kilter mannequin dressed as Vlad himself. The Hunter Prince Castle even boasts a vampire-inspired menu featuring a range of Dracula-themed dishes, including the intriguingly named “Worn-Out Vampire Dick.” Being a bit of a food adventurer, I had to order it. What exactly was it? Well, it was definitely not vegan, and certainly not kosher. Beyond that, it remained a delicious mystery, perhaps a culinary embodiment of the room where dracula sucks his own dick in its audacity and unexpectedness.
Image alt text: Close-up shot of the “Worn-Out Vampire Dick” dish at Dracula Hotel, presenting a mysterious and non-vegan culinary creation.
Did I actually find vampires on my journey? Sadly, no. But the pursuit of monsters is an adventure in itself. You encounter fascinating people, gather incredible stories, and you might even get to eat a “dick.” And while I didn’t literally find the room where Dracula sucks his own dick, I experienced the spirit of Dracula in these locations, in their legends, and in their sometimes bizarre interpretations of the vampire myth.
Image alt text: Author posing with a Dracula mannequin at Dracula Hotel, playfully expressing affection for the iconic vampire figure.
